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Changing “The Elf on the Shelf” to “HELP on the Shelf”

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The Elf on the Shelf, Santa’s number 1 helper has joined more than 13 million homes and the popularity seems to continue to grow.  Here’s how it works as written in the description on Amazon.com  

“The Scout Elf is placed on a shelf or somewhere in the house to watch your children throughout the day, then each night the elf returns to the North Pole to tell Santa Clause whether your family has been naughty or nice. With this information, Santa decides if you are getting presents or coal for Christmas.” 

Image result for elf on a shelf

This kind of game is teaching so many unconscious messages that I think parents need to think through if they want to have open communication with their children.

Kids really don’t like Elf on the Shelf as much as you think.  Some children, especially younger ones, are afraid of Santa’s little helper.  Older children view the elf as the spy whose only job is to keep them from getting presents if they don’t play along.  In a child’s world, this is really bad! Think about it, your parents place this doll on the shelf then tell you that if you misbehave when they are not around, then Santa won’t bring you any presents for Christmas. The message is confirmed by a book, that makes this information very real for children.   

Have you ever had someone spy on you at work for the purpose of reporting to your boss? Then to make matters worse, your promotion or raise is attached to that report.  If we think about the concept of The Elf on the Shelf, all the way through, basically the elf in your house is equivalent to the office snitch. 

Image result for elf on a shelf

Most parents want to have good communication with their children. The elf is not exactly the model we want to help us grow kind, caring and thoughtful humans who are able to get help when they need it. The elf can be a vehicle for learning and having fun if we just change a few of the rules.  How about re-tooling the Elf on the Shelf to HELP on the Shelf. Tell children that this doll is not watching them. That is a scary thought. Let them know that it is just a game. Give children permission to make mistakes then share those mistakes with the Elf. Then suggest they come to you, the parent, to help them figure out what to do to fix their mistake or get help with a problem.  If children only talk to the Elf, thinking that Santa will get the message, and help them, what happens when the child is ignored? The elf is not real, and so telling children to talk to it is a total set up for the child, and a missed opportunity for parents to connect with their child. I don’t think most parents want that to be the message their child gets, after being told to talk to the listening elf. 

I’m not saying throw away The Elf on the Shelf.  I am saying we can change the rules around this game a bit and make it a very good family communication tool that can be used year-round. It might not be as dramatic as finding the little sneak dangling from the ceiling in the morning, but it will definitely reduce stress in your children’s lives and make them happier people.

Check out my YouTube video about Elf on a Shelf

A Holiday Tradition, The Nutcracker, Returns with Local Dancers

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A holiday classic, Central California Ballet’s The Nutcracker, returns to Fresno’s Saroyan Theatre this weekend. The performances feature dancers from the Central Valley.

“All of the roles are performed by local dancers, from the smallest Bon-Bon to the most mature, Snow Queen,” said Sandra Gostanian, with the Lively Arts Foundation. “I have been performing in The Nutcracker since 1995 as a Party Parent, most years as Mrs. Stahlbaum.”

 In 1989, Frank and Diane Mosier founded the Lively Arts Foundation, a non-profit, designed to bring world-class dance, music and dramatic entertainment to the residents of the San Joaquin Valley. The show the organization is most known for is the yearly performance of The Nutcracker.

“The story of The Nutcracker is a holiday tradition around the world,” Gostanian said. “It is a warm story of love with bits of whimsical humor laced in.  The Nutcracker Ballet is often the first ballet children experience.” 

Diane Mosier is the owner of Northwest Studio for Ballet at Bullard and West in Fresno. Many of the dancers who perform in The Nutcracker train at her studio. A handful of professional dancers are also hired to perform the lead roles of Cavalier and Sugar Plum Fairy.

Auditions take place in August and rehearsals began soon after.  

“The Bon-Bons are the youngest members of the cast and are usually budding gymnasts,” Gostanian said. “Children in the Party Scene have taken ballet classes for a few years, as have some of the adults in the Party Scene. The mature teens and young adult dancers have been taking a ballet class several times each week for years and are quite accomplished. Everyone enjoys having the professionals dance with us. They are always very inspirational to watch as they warm-up, focus on the performance, and enjoy the festivities of the Nutcracker season.”

Tickets are available at the Saroyan Theatre Box Office for Saturday’s 2 p.m. and 7:30 p.m. performances, as well as Sunday’s 2 p.m. show. They range from $35 to $68 and can also be purchased through Ticketmaster.

“People of all ages enjoy the quality of dancing and acting from cast members of all ages,” Gostanian said. “Children, especially, are caught up with the beauty and artistic talents of the Sugar Plum Fairy and Cavalier.”

In addition to the weekend performances, there is a special performance for students from local schools that takes place on Friday. 

“The favorite show for the entire cast is the Friday school show performance,” Gostanian said.“Children from throughout the Central Valley come to see the ballet at a very reduced price. For most of the children and for many of their teachers, this will be their introduction to a ballet performance.”

The Lively Arts Foundation begins planning next year’s Nutcracker as soon as this year’s finishes. They have to seek out financial grants and new donors to keep this Valley tradition alive.

“While Fresno is located in close proximity to cultural hubs like San Francisco and Los Angeles, many people are not able to travel to see professional performances,” Gostanian said. “Performing arts allow people opportunities to develop creativity and communication skills. The Nutcracker is a fun and entertaining way to experience the “stage of life”. Quite simply, we all have a great time and have made lifetime memories and friends.” 

To learn more about The Nutcracker visit LivelyArts.org

What’s Hot & Happening this Weekend

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The weekend is here Fresno! We’re mid-way through December and one of my favorite events all year has arrived – Swede Fest. If you’ve never been to Swede Fest, you are missing out. It’s a short film festival, with films created by local filmmakers here in town. The simplest way to describe it is Hollywood films, on a backyard budget. It is hosted at the Tower Theatre on Friday at 6:30 PM. 

Here’s our full list of what’s hot & happening:

Friday

Saturday

Sunday

Three Things to You Can Do to De-stress the Holidays

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Does anyone ever feel overwhelmed at the sight of Christmas decorations that show up the week before Halloween? I don’t think anyone can argue that we are bombarded by commercialism. Madonna’s hit song, “Material Girl” topped the charts in 1984, because everyone could relate to this sad message reflected in our culture.  

But don’t worry! These three strategies can be applied to any time of year where holidays and family gatherings begin to overrun the normalcy of life. And the fact that these are supported by brain research means you don’t even have to feel one bit guilty about making your life a little easier during this hectic time. Give yourself a break! Everyone will appreciate it. Trust me, I’m a doctor!

1. No one remembers gifts, without a story behind it.

The truth is that people, even children, don’t remember presents from year to year. The memories people log in their brain are the stories that surround particular experiences. We give gifts because that is the tradition, but in reality, if you ask your children what they got for Christmas last year, they will most likely say, “I don’t remember.”  Unless the present was attached to a very strong emotional experience, the brain really has no reason to separate your gift out from any other desired item. I am not saying to stop giving gifts, but it is ok to scale back. 

Don’t kill yourself shopping for the perfect presents.  Pick a theme if you are buying for adults (i.e. cozy throw blankets, or movie gift cards).  Most people enjoy the feeling that comes with giving, more than the feeling they get from receiving gifts. Go figure! 

If you can, buy the special gift that your child asked Santa for and a few other things from the list.  The truth is that the brain is wired for making memories from personal experiences. It is not equipped to remember more than 7 items at a time, think phone numbers. If you can attach a fun experience to gift-giving, like making it a little treasure hunt or slowing the process by taking turns and really enjoying each gift, the experience will be more meaningful. 

2. Delegate the workload (Shopping, Cooking, Cleaning Up, Decorating)

The brain is like the bank, and every decision you make during the day, or task you take on, is like taking a withdrawal from the account.  The more withdrawals you make, the less energy your brain has available. So, it is a great idea to prioritize the things that need to get done or decisions that need to be made, and then D.E.L.E.G.A.T.E.  This keeps the brain bank from getting depleted and gives everyone some ownership in the entire celebration or holiday season. Children who get to have a purpose and are able to accomplish a task are more resilient as adults.  Giving children responsibilities also teaches them skills necessary for adulting. A good way to start this is to have a family meeting and make a list of all the things that need to get done. Then let everyone choose the ones that they want to do, and it is okay for people to partner up to do certain tasks accomplished, this promotes opportunities for memory-making.  Lastly, set dates/times for completion for tasks, this promotes accountability and helps keeps everyone’s expectations in line.

3. Set boundaries and say, No. 

We all can quickly get overbooked during the holiday season.  Especially with social media, people are exposed to so many events, along with the obligatory work or family celebrations.  Facebook can quickly overload the schedule.

When we say yes, all the time, the energy that fuels happiness is depleted, and it happens fast! By learning to set healthy boundaries and to say, no, we gain so many health and wellness benefits, including more energy, more confidence, more respect, more fun and actually more time! 

It is not easy, especially if you are in the habit of saying yes to everyone for everything, but there is no time better than the present to learn the skill of setting simple boundaries and saying no.  As a family, couple and even a single person, you can choose a concrete number of activities you will say yes to during month of December. I actually think this is a good idea to employ year-round, however, it works like this.  Decide on a number based on your personal situation, but I suggest that for most people keeping the maximum to 4-8 events during the month. Then if something comes up that you just cannot miss, you must cancel one of the other events on the calendar.   If you already have a full schedule, then you have the perfect reason to politely decline the invitation. 

These are skills that transcend all seasons and celebrations because each one truly does provide the opportunity to engage in more meaningful relationships.  The holidays are about spending time together but we often get lost in the chaos. This is just a start to shifting from going through the motions of the holidays to creating stories and long-term memories for yourself, your children, your family, and your friends. 

I hope this helps make your life a little easier, to build to stronger relationships with loved ones and to make meaningful memories.

Happy Holidays, Dr. B


If you have any questions or comments, please email me at contact@drbconnections.com. 

Clovis Botanical Garden to Host Children’s Christmas Event

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The Clovis Botanical Garden is hosting a holiday event for children this Saturday. “Christmas Fun in the Garden” runs from 10 a.m. to 1 p.m. It’s the third year for this event.

“There will be four craft stations at which the kids can make their own Christmas ornaments or decorate a pinecone Christmas Tree,” said Pat Wynne, a board member with the Clovis Botanical Garden.  “Each child can choose two of the craft stations and there will be cookies and hot chocolate available.”

There is a fee of $5 per child, which goes towards the cost of craft materials.

The garden is located on the northwest corner of Alluvial and Clovis Avenues in Clovis. 

“It is the mission of the garden to demonstrate what we call San Joaquin Valley friendly plants,” Wynne said. “That is plants that do well in the temperate zone which is the central San Joaquin Valley.”

The Clovis Botanical Garden was the vision of the late Gorden Russell. In the 1990s he approached Wynne, who was the Mayor of Clovis at the time, about turning what was a city-owned lot into a garden.

“After four years of planning the first tree was planted in the Garden in 2002,” Wynne said. “It was a Valley Oak and was named the Freedom Tree in honor of the people who died on 9/11.”

The Clovis Botanical Garden is now developed into three acres with a Mediterranean  Garden, a Chilean/South African Garden, a South Western Garden, A Native Plant Garden, and four Home Demonstration Gardens.

“We also promote water conservation through low water landscaping,” Wynne said. “Every plant in the Garden is drought tolerant and has some resistance to drought. Landscaping is the number one use of water, and if you can get people to use mostly low water plants it will go a long way to save water in
this area.”The Clovis Botanical Garden is open Wednesday through Sunday from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. To learn more visit their website at ClovisBotanicalGarden.org

FresYes Guide to Christmas Celebrations in Fresno County

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It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas across Fresno County. There are plenty of family-friendly celebrations taking place to mark the season. A lot of the towns within Fresno County are hosting tree lightings and parades. We’ve put together a list to help you plan your holiday fun!

Thursday, December 5th

Reedley Electrical Farm Equipment Parade

7 p.m. in downtown Reedley

Reedley is called the “Fruit Basket of the World” and to celebrate the town’s unique culture and heritage they host an agriculture themed Christmas Parade. Tractors and antique vehicles will be lit up in their holiday best. The theme of this year’s parade is “Holiday Movies.” 

Friday, December 6th

Caruthers Chamber Winterfest and Christmas Parade

Winterfest: 3 p.m. to 9 p.m. at Caruthers Fairgrounds

Parade:  6:30 p.m.

The Caruthers Chamber of Commerce is hosting a big Christmas event at the Caruthers Fairgrounds. In addition to the 20th annual Christmas Parade, there will be a winter celebration featuring food, crafts, and a Miss Snowflake Princess Pageant. 

“This event like many others in Caruthers is unique because it is a grassroots event,” said Eric Hamlin the Winterfest Coordinator. “It’s all about the local community. Caruthers is a community of townspeople who genuinely like each other and enjoy a chance to celebrate our town.”

Saturday, December 7th

Fresno Christmas Parade

1 p.m. on Fulton Street in downtown Fresno

It’s a milestone year for the Fresno Christmas Parade. In honor of its 90th year, the parade’s theme is “9 Decades.” 

Floats will be decked out in retro gear celebrating the decades from the 1920s to the 2000s. 

Clovis Children’s Electric Christmas Parade

6:30 p.m. in Old Town Clovis

The Old Town Clovis Kiwanis puts on a big show every year. Thousands are expected to attend the parade which has become a holiday tradition for many families.

“It’s a free event that we put on for our community to give back to all those organizations and people who have helped us with our service projects,” said Rochelle Latona, parade coordinator with the Old Town Clovis Kiwanis. “The parade will have school bands, horses, lots of different cars and float, all decorated with lots and lots of lights.”

Fowler’s Christmas Tree Lighting

Festival: 2 p.m. in downtown Fowler

Tree Lighting: Dusk

The city of Fowler hosts an annual street festival and tree lighting ceremony in the center of downtown. 

“It’s a great annual tradition here in the city of Fowler, that families look forward to,” said Yvonne Hernandez, event organizer. “It’s like a great homecoming. People can come and shop, eat great food, listen to live music and get pictures with Santa and the grand finale is lighting the tree at dusk.”

Sanger’s Toyland Parade

11 a.m. on Academy in downtown Sanger

For the 72nd year, a huge Christmas event is taking place in downtown Sanger. The annual Toyland Parade celebrates all things holiday. There will also be vendors, arts, crafts, and kid activities to take part in as well.

Sunday, December 8th 

Trek to the Nation’s Christmas Tree

2:30 p.m. at Kings Canyon National Park

With fresh snow, it will be a winter wonderland at the General Grant Tree for the 93rd annual Trek to the Nation’s Christmas Tree. 

Entrance fees to Sequoia and Kings Canyon National Parks will be free on Sunday to allow people to experience the celebration of the Nation’s Christmas Tree. 

The Sanger Chamber of Commerce offers chartered bus trips to the event, some include lunch and dinner. To learn more call the Sanger Chamber at 559-875-4575.

Saturday, December 14th

Kerman Night Christmas Parade

Holiday Gift Fair: 4 p.m. 

Parade: 6 p.m. in downtown Kerman

The 23rd annual Pageantry of Light Christmas Parade takes place on Madera Avenue from C to G Street. This year’s theme is “Country Christmas.” In addition to the parade, there will also be a craft and gift fair. 

What’s Hot & Happening This Weekend

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It’s the first full weekend of December! There are plenty of events going on from holiday shopping to Fresno & Clovis’ Christmas Day Parades, pub crawls and more!

Friday

  • River Parkway Trust – Cultural History Walk at Lost Lake Event Link
  • Ballis Glass’ Holiday Boutique Event Link
  • ARF’s Annual Holiday Open House & Boutique Event Link
  • It’s A Wonderful Craftapalooza 4 Event Link
  • 90th Annual Downtown Fresno Christmas Parade: 9 Decades Event Link
  • Clovis Children’s Electric Christmas Parade Event Link
  • Star Wars Pub Crawl 2019 Event Link

Saturday

Sunday

Local Store Owners Share Their Picks for Top Gifts for Her this Holiday Season

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Are you wanting to support local entrepreneurs this holiday season by shopping small businesses for gifts? You’re in luck because I have three amazing places for you to shop for the women in your life as well as what you need to know to choose the perfect gifts once you’re there. I spoke to the business owners at each location and got you top-notch recommendations for their most universally appealing items sure to please any gift recipient, as well as all the details on each store’s holiday hours, and special seasonal events and services. Read on to find out all you need to know to shop local and delight the special women in your life this December.

The Foundry (Special Pop Up Location in Fig Garden Village)

Holiday Hours: 10am-6pm, Sundays 11am-4pm

The Foundry is well-known in Clovis for its beautifully curated and displayed selection of clothing, accessories, children’s items, home décor, and gifts. This holiday season, Fresno shoppers can enjoy a special Foundry Fresno Pop Up location next to Madewell in Fig Garden Village on Shaw and Palm! The Pop Up (which feels like a fully decorated and artfully arranged permanent store) offers an impressive selection of holiday décor, home goods, children’s items, women’s clothing, jewelry, serving ware and gifts. I asked Marketing Director, Taylor, to point me in the direction of three of the most popular items for gifts in the store. Here’s what she recommended:

Capri Blue Volcano Candles – these candles have a cult following and smell like lightly sugared citrus and tropical florals. “We can barely keep them on the shelf,” explained Taylor, “everyone loves them!”

Barefoot Dreams Robes – these robes, though a bit of an investment, are one of the softest, cuddliest and most comforting items a person could possibly wear. You’ll have to touch one to understand it for yourself, but anyone who receives one as a gift will definitely feel pampered and cozy.

Locally Made Jewelry – The Foundry carries several lines of beautiful and unique handmade jewelry. Two lines that are particularly popular and universally appealing are Five and Two (who’s owner got her start in Fresno and now lives in LA) and Make Pie Not War (lovingly created in Fresno by Alana Little).  

Special Holiday Services

The Foundry can assist with gift wrapping and shipping most items purchased in-store, to out of area recipients for your convenience. The Fig Garden Pop Up will be open until December 31, 2019.

KLSD (located Downtown at 1755 Broadway St #105)

Holiday Hours: Tues-Fri 10am-6pm Sat 11am-4pm

KLSD got its start making custom clothing designs and wedding items and has branched out to offer a wide array of clothing, accessories, jewelry, home décor and more. I asked owner Alexandra Register for her recommendations on fantastic gifts from some of the most popular items from her store, and she shared these three gems:

KLSD’s Be A Good Human shirt or sweater (both are unisex! Link 1, 2, 3) – with a great fit, super soft feel and awesome design, this selection is sure to bring a smile to your favorite do-gooder’s face. (Full disclosure: I fell in love with this in black and bought one for myself!)

Stronger Together women’s tee or unisex sweater – the perfect gift for those who want to rise by lifting others. 

For the Fresno Fan – an awesome Fresno poster. “This is a custom colorway Fresno poster designed for us by local artist Thomas Wayne Mason,” says Register. (So cool!)

December’s Delightful In-Store Event Plan

KLSD also hosts awesome events! Check out their December line-up:

Art Hop featuring Smith & Len

Thursday, December 5th, 5-9 pm

Charcuterie Styling Workshop with Chef Shayna 

Wednesday, Dec 11th, 6:30-8 pm. Tickets available here for a limited time. 

Natural Dyed Hair Scarves Workshop with Smith & Len

Wednesday, Dec. 18th Tickets available online soon!

Follow KLSD on Social Media for details on events and shop updates!

Instagram Facebook Pinterest YouTube

Happy House (6033 N. Palm Avenue in NW Fresno)

Holiday Hours: 10a-6p Tuesday-Saturday and 11a-4p Sunday (starting December 15th until Christmas)

Happy House is new on the scene, opening just last month, however it began with a bang and the crowds have continued to flock to the unique boutique offering a curated selection that features clothing, home décor, furniture, children’s items, serving ware, dried florals, and vintage goods from over 75 small businesses, 25 of which are Valley-based. “We are adding to our local roster every week and are so amazed by all the talent in Fresno! All of our Christmas ornaments are made by different Fresno artists,” shared Owner and Curator Marielle Parrish, who also offered the following great gift recommendations:

Moroccan glassware sets of 6.  They come in various styles, are handblown and are made of recycled glass. “Be sure to grab them quickly when you see them in-store because they tend to sell out as soon as they arrive!”

Ceramic items: mugs, planters, and vases

(And for little ones) Handmade wooden toys- “they are beautiful, timeless and get the kiddos to use their imaginations.”

In-store Holiday Happenings

12th at 6 pm- Giftwrap Art Workshop with Art by Elowyn

13th at 6:30 pm- Botanical Line Drawing: Christmas Ornament Edition with Little Barn Art Studio

17th at 6:30 pm- Charcuterie Board workshop with Natalie of Jade Magnolia (this sold out within the first day!) 

Pop-ups: 

Happy House will be popping up at the Daughter’s of Simone Holiday party at their headquarters on December 6th from 6-9p and again the next day at the Dreamer Co-Op Kinship from 11a-4p in downtown Fresno. At the Dreamer Co-op Happy House will be collaborating on new items with PCH the Label, which is sold exclusively at Happy House. 

“At Happy House, we aim to cultivate togetherness and celebrate creativity & our various workshops will do just that,” Parrish explains. “We are also hosting a very special give back event on December 10th from 6-8p with our dear friend Alex of Daphne Mae Photography. All the profits from her prints (& framing provided by Happy House) sold that evening will go directly to the Evangel Home which benefits women and children. Happy House will also be donating 10% of profits and collecting unwrapped toy donations for the children of the home for Christmas.”

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